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Talk:Dan Beronews
__TOC__ ---- = Message from the Board of Fiction = THE BEGINNING * You are busy doing whatever it is you are doing. Then, out of nowhere, everything around you, except you, freezes. Time has stopped. Then, everything around you begins to melt. The sky, the ground, and everything else, except you, melts away to blackness. You look up, you look down, left, and right. There is nothing but blackness. Being the FW breaker you are, you panic, knowing that such a dramatic scene like that is NEVER a good sign. * * You are standing in blackness. For what seems like an hour, you are standing in blackness. What happened? Were you deleted and some mistake occured? You are horrified now to see that whatever you are wearing has vanished. You are now like a Non-Member, wearing nothing but your favorite color. You open your player card and are terrified to see nothing in it at all. Nothing but your name remains. Every coin, item, pin, flag, deed, title, contract, reward, and anything else is GONE. COMPLETELY GONE. You tremble at your fate. * ---- * Suddenly, and out of nowhere, music begins playing. * A booming voice, like that of a rocket going off, thunders from nowhere in particular. In fact, it sounds like it is coming from everywhere at once. You keel over in pain from the noise and cover what would be your ears with your flippers. * DANIEL BERONEWS!!! * The quaking subsides. You look up and see a white prick of light, no bigger than any star in the sky. Then, it gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger.... encompassing everything around you. Why, it seems to be HEADING RIGHT FOR YOU! You curl up into a ball- or as best as penguins can -and wait for your death. The light engulfs your surroundings, shifting from as black as night to as white as a web page or even snow. Feeling no pain, you look around. When you turn your back, a desk, twenty feet tall, slams to eye level, only a few yards away. You gasp and clutch where your heart is, because you didn't expect that. The ornate desk sits there for a moment, and then another flash of light shoots through, and you see thirteen figures in black robes. Their faces, even their beaks, are entirely obscured. Red dots for eyes are in the hood, but you can see nothing else, not even a single feature. * * The wraiths are casting what you can tell is a cold, vengeful stare. It's like looking at Weegee, only you're not able to look away, and you're not becoming a Weegee. One of the figures, though you can't tell which, speaks, and the others follow. * DANIEL, ye wretch! Thous hast commited a crime most unholy! How dare thee, how dareth thee EVER speaketh to THE ONES! Thou shalt pay for thine idiocy! ---- Poi-sun-uh-lee, I'd like ta take this guy out. ---- I would say yes to that most of the time. -but he is too big in this world to be dead. ---- Dang, the dude's right, we can't crush this sucka. ---- Kanskje vi kunne snu dette idiot til noe annet. Vi kunne gjøre ham til noe som ville være ekstremt ubehagelig. Kanskje vi burde gjøre ham til en jente, eller en gotisk, eller en kvinnelig gotisk! Har noen andre se det som en god idé? ---- What's the deal with you and Goths? ---- ...jeg finner gothics ekstremt underholdende. ---- I agree. Goth Dan make good lesson. ---- It ain't that simple, bois. See, we 'gotta facta in how ingrained ol' Danny here's to cointinuity. ---- * The wraiths turn to each other and start discussing. * ---- Crud. So we can't goth 'im up? ---- I fear not, fellow boardman. ---- * The spirits look back at you with a piercing glare. * ---- Daniel, ye who hath breached the heavens, thine fate hath yet to be decided. What we bring upon thee will be monsterous and unending. It shall decided within a fortnight from our first contact. Until that time, we bid thee farewell. Ye hath not seen the last of us. We standeth above the Fictitious Literature firm. We are the sole communicators to Them. Neither thee nor any mortal shall establish communication between-eth outside of us. Thine attempts to reverteth Philly Cheesesteak Trial by use of The Ones be a violation of many a creed; the entire wrath of all of us be upon you. ---- Now listen up, Danny boy. You'll be wishin' that you was deleted once we're through with you. Now, don't go speakin' 'bout this- not that anybody's 'gonna belive youse -capieche? * You nod shakily. * ---- With these threats, we, the Masters of the Masters of the Universe, hereby bid you farewell for now. May your existance be forever cursed and may all prosperities fall flat upon their faces when you attempt them. May birds of paridise fly up your nose, if you had one, may elephants crush you with its toes, and may your mother be plagued with rudders in her hose. May you miss all appointments, fail all battles, and regret all that you have done to anger us. No one angers us and gets away with it. So says... THE BOARD. * Then, in unison, they raise what would be their flippers up in unison as purple mist forms around you and the desk. You watch them fade away, and you too begin to dissolve with a scream. * *The next thing you know, you are back where you were before this. Unsure if it was real, you can't shake the visions out of your head. They were so... vivid. You nervously go about the rest of your day, hoping it was all just a dream. You gasp as you look in the snow in front of you. It reads "WE'LL GET YOU. -THE BOARD.". * * It was no dream. * The Decision * You cry and plea for them not to take your true love away, to no avail. * * Another voice chimes in. * * Murmering is heard. * * The Board turns to face you. * * Then, in unison, they raise what would be their flippers up in unison as purple mist forms around you and the desk. You watch them fade away, and you too begin to dissolve with a scream. Again. * * The next thing you know, you are back where you were before this, and you fear for Haley. You quickly message her for your last good byes. * Fin. = Roleplay = Here's my page... I'll be waiting... RE: Declassification Dan, you have no idea what you're getting into. Have you SEEN what Director Benny is like when he gets mad? The best case scenario is that he'll just yell at you in punctuation, then fire and jinx you! As for the worst case scenario.... not even Fred can calculate that. DON'T DO IT. YOU WILL BE CURSED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, AND BENNY IS BOUND TO JINX YOU WITH SOMETHING BAD. He's been feeling pretty grumpy these days -- he hasn't had one chance to retaliate at Mayor McFlapp for last month. You remember that? Yeah, he's not gonna be happy. Dan, don't do it. You will turn the entire world upside down. Do you want another Great Reversal just because some n00b snuck into the Bureau and messed up a plot? Do you want Earth to inflate up to ten times its size? How about another Ice Age, or continental drift reversing in two minutes and getting Antarctica deep-fried at the Equator in the process? You declassify that event, and the Bureau will be on your tail for the rest of your life...... and perhaps when you come back as a ghost. Don't do it. Just say no to that urge, and watch Ninjinian's health videos..... -- 21:42, November 24, 2009 (UTC) The Federal Exchequer have already deplated your budget. You can't declassify it! Even most of our workers think it's a legend eventhough they know it happened. Trust me, you're making a mistake. --Jong Arnold My friend, strongly reconsider. Knowledge is power, but forbidden knowledge is weakness. --CNIC worker RE: Fourth Wall Esteemed Admiral: Yes, I can give three reasons. *1. The Philly Cheesesteak Test, though lacking an NZS seal, was not supposed to be declassified, as it was utmost in universal security. They would have added a sticker, but they were out of them. In fact, there have been multiple motions to classify the document to UP (Universal Preservation). You, with your Uber Clearence, were allowed to access it, which is why they tried to hide it from you until they could get a sticker. You found it an used your clearence (lawfully), but there are mighty consequences. *2. As a creature of darkness, I can detect the balence of things and the aura of other creatures. For example, you have an aura of kindness, utmost intelligence, and respect, but with a hint of naievity. Your declassification of the Test actually interrupted me in my meditation, as I had detected a disturbance in the balence of the Fourth Wall's secrecy, it shifting to the greater Public as opposed to the current World Order in the Bureau. Now, a lot of us know this in the upper sections of the Bureau, but the employees don't, so I will have to get someone to tell you the Secret later on. *3. If word of this government test got out, and if they figured out the unintentional results (and where those sailors went), it could cause panic and even riots in the street, collapsing the World Order as we know it. No one wants to realize they are controlled by a supernatural power and are at whim to a few crazy oligarchs. Hopefully, this answers the question. I am forbidden by a vow of secrecy to share anything other than what I have shared. Make the right decision, Admiral. Whatever, -Fourth Wall Corvus Welcome! We have records on you. We know that you're a time traveler. Welcome to the team! --Time Agency RE:Resignation Dear Admiral Dan, I saw your resignation in the latest issue of Conspiracy Theories Weekly (yes, I still read it) along with Happyface. I congratulate you and HF on your success at seeing through the Director's corrupt schemes. As a result, I offer you two positions in my new resistance group, the Rogue Agents. The aim of the group is to stop Operation Better at all costs, and we need ex-Time Agents badly. I've already contacted Happyface. On to other things, I suspect there may be a war coming very soon. Please be ready. Yours in Time, --Kwiksilver offer How would you like to stop Darktan II in my army Flywish's Army Flywish (Talk to me by clicking here) RE: MMK Application :Admiral: We have reviewed your decision and have assessed your situation. We have chosen to admit you into the Klan and greatly value your appreciation and respect of Our Lady, Mabel von Injoface XIX. To finalize your application, you must take a rope and a portrait of the Troublesome Trio crony your choice. Tie the rope around the effigy and hang it on a tree somewhere in the Forest. We'll send a low ranked Clansman to see if you did it. You are then to visit the small non-member igloo to the left of Explorer's igloo, where you will complete the Initiation. Knock on the front door and wait for the peephole to slide open and for a member to say "what's the password". Our password is "aaahh flowerpot". Next... * 1. Take a picture of Mabel doing something "cool" (as in, yelling at people having fun). This tests devotion to Mabel. * 2. Eat one, just one, Porito, while you watch the other clansmen eat mouthfuls. This tests diligence, since "you can't eat just one!". * 3. View the "WHAT?!?" movie alone. * 4. Sign a document guaranteeing you will never prank or hurt Mabel, and do all in your power to protect her. * 5. Meet at the clan's headquarters and memorize the password. We will hand you your uniform and your membership card. Don't lose it! Welcome to the Mabel Mongrel Klan, Brother Dan! -TurtleShroom, Grandmaster of the Mabel Mongrel Klan P.S.: MABEL POWER! ---- Success Welcome to the Mabel Mongrel Klan, Brother Dan! You have passed all demands with flying colors. We will add you to our template and gallery as fast as possible. -TurtleShroom, Grandmaster of the Mabel Mongrel Klan P.S.: MABEL POWER! Sure I will gladly give you that island. And I would also gladly be part of CNIC. I also have been going after Ben for quite some time. He claims that he will be the one to stop Darktan even though I am avenging my wife. DTA poisoned my wife Rose and if you come into my island and see a night club called Rose Memorial dance club, there's your reason it was named that. He also thinks I'm being way to cocky. So sure, I will give you some of the land. There's some land behind my mansion. The land there is unclaimed and I just use it to go for walks. So feel free to take that small island and the unclaimed land behind my mansion. I'll ask you one more time Do you want to be a member of my army? You will make a great detective. RE: Sainthood Esteemed Admiral: Thank you for your request and nomination. After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that, although your captus are in order, you have not yet done enough for nerds to qualify. Being a nerd and working in IT in itself is not enough to warrent such an amplus title as that of Saint, though it may very well enter you into "Most Awesome". Oh, what could it hurt? Cardinals, open the scanner to the populus, we've got another one! Good luck! Ita sit, - Your Rights I'm sorry, it's a federal act. You have no right to overide this. Also, you know your position; the sea. Not land. Under USA, a federal ageency can only enforce laws not make them. --The X Leader YES! Hey Dan! Yes! I will! Invite all of our friends! OH MY OH MY OH MY OH MY! *peeks through window* ...hi Dan! ..................................... (Oh gravy, I can't believe I'm this close to you! EEEEK!) *runs away from window* -Anonymous Name hidden P.S.: You're such a dreamboat... no pun intended. Have a great day. More than that: have a REALLY REALLY great day, you sexy hunk of penguin, you! -Holyberden Board of Censors P.S.: I am NOT the sister of a penguin in high power! ... I'm sorry about Haley, I'll help make it up to you. Whaaa? ....I threaten to toilet paper your house and you...send an offer to join your agency? Wow. Cool. Unluckily, I'm really busy, and not fit out for the life of a CNIC agent. I have stuff like appointments with Swiss Ninja, fighting the Hochstadt Gang, Bounty hunting with my friends, and helping XTUX Hun with our buisness. Oh yeah! And I gotta go to my chiropractic. Dang Piper J. Cub. Of all places to stab somebody with a knicicle, their BACK? Come on. HOWEVERRR....I have an unemployed brother. And he's into the police industry. Seriously. I'll send him over some time. (new character upcoming) Anyway, I won't TP your house, and I suppose that I'll stop opposing you and all that... Anyway, my brother would be more than happy to join you. (Know a CNIS character I can parody?) SUBJECT: Kids -TURTLESHROOM PENGUIN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CONSOLE V1.0 -Holyberden Board of Censors P.S.: I am NOT the sister of a penguin in high power! Hey Dan, did you get my last message? I have the feeling it might have been censored. -Tesa. It wasn't you? Well...sorry...never mind...didn't mean that...uhhh..yeah. Hey, Dan, sorry about that. It's just that I thought that you had rejected me. And I was...well, pretty angry about that. BTW, want to meet at the Pizza Parlour on Tuesday? --Tesa Bribe *appears, takes money* Thank you for the currency. I am not expunging your record nor forgiving your foolish CNIC incident. I appreciate the payment, though. *vanishes with money* -Director Benny Hill de Blah RE: Tern I can handle that idiot bird alone, and I do not need your help. -Director Benny Hill de Blah Well it's sad to say that I have minions that high, too. Have I mentioned how brutally imposing this acquaintance of mine is? Or how much reign he has over this site you speak of? --Director Benny Hill de Blah Lolz. ' ' [[User:Explorer 767|'Explorer 767']] ([[User talk:Explorer 767|'Obey the Benny. Serve the Benny. Live... for the Benny.']]) View this template 22:40, September 14, 2010 (UTC) What?!? Why? Why?!? RE: Honey, I got a message from some Board. They are scaring me... Can you arrest them? Love you as always! RE: W..Why? Honey... I'm scared. Please... Delete them, then! You do have powers, Don't you? Do SOMETHING! I'm scared of that Bureau place, and that British voice in my head.... RE: HELP ME! THEY ARE SCARING ME! THEY ARE THREATING ME! THAT BOARD! THAT PUFFBALL! HELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEE! RE: YOU CAN DO SOMETHING! YOU ARE THE DIRECTOR OF THE CNIC! GAH! RE: Account closure presses button on console Oh, please. You're not seriously trying to ruin my week just because of your precious little Haley, are you? Pfft. How pathetic. The account closure has just been rollbacked in full. (I love my supreme dominancy... it allows for so many possibilities.) In the meantime, I am preparing my laptop for approving the final change to your assailable, puny lover. And Tortugadesatas will get his own warnings later. Remember, remember, the twenty-first of September... --High Director Benny Hill de Blah Have a great day. More than that: have a REALLY REALLY great day, you sexy hunk of penguin, you! -Holyberden Board of Censors P.S.: I am NOT the sister of a penguin in high power!